Love You First

Love and relationships are presented to us as this glamorous necessity at a young age. If not first through a healthy relationship between our parents, then subtly through Disney movies with the beautiful princess and handsome prince that live happily ever after. As a result, we grow up expecting the presence of such relationships in our lives with no clear instructions on how to attain them. The truth is, there are no real instructions. A lot of dating and relationships is just trial and error. You encounter different people to help you discover your likes and dislikes, what works for you and what doesn’t.

I was talking with a friend the other day that was really down on themselves about not being able to find someone to settle down with. They were tired of being lonely, getting rejected and disappointed and feeling undesired by the opposite sex. After listening to my friend, I further realized the importance of loving yourself first to building a healthy relationship with someone else.

Nobody knows YOU better than YOU and your relationship with yourself should take priority over your relationship with anyone else. If you don’t think and feel that you are absolutely amazing, then why should anyone else? You don’t really give them a reason to. You should know and feel more than anyone else what a wonderful person you are. If you don’t feel like the wonderful and amazing person that you are, then you need to work on that first and foremost before pursuing a relationship. Learning how to be alone and love yourself is necessary because you have to be able to be happy and love yourself when it’s just you. Otherwise, you depend on the other person for that validation and unfortunately, sometimes people take advantage of that. If you feel good about yourself, then it doesn’t matter who mistreats or rejects you. At the end of the day, you always know that they are the ones missing out and not you. It is so important to (wait for and) find someone that recognizes how great you are and values and appreciates your presence in their lives. When you are dealing with people, especially outside of your family (but even sometimes in your family), you never know how long they are going to be in your life. A lot of people are meant to be in your life for only a season. You have to be careful about whom you invest your time, energy and emotions in, however you can NEVER go wrong with investing in yourself.


@SeeFurtherThanIAm

A Quote I Created

I wrote this a while back. I think it should be passed down:

Karma don't know me
But I did my best to treat her right
I even harbored my homies
Lent out when moneys tight
Karma you owe me.

Pass it on if you like it

Sorry I haven't posted in a while

Remember Good Grades

In elementary school, one of the most exciting things for me was to get my homework returned with a colorful little sticker on it. I don’t even remember if they actually gave grades or anything like that but that sticker was always associated with a job well done. As I got older, actual letter or number grades replaced the stickers. How well I was doing compared to my peers or how each grade affects my chances of earning an A in the class became of more concern.

I started thinking about the wonderful people that I have in my life. They care about me, pay attention to me and want nothing but the best for me. They know my potential and want me to fulfill and exceed it. I feel that their presence in my life is a true blessing. Then, I wondered if they knew it. As much as I enjoy receiving the encouragement, do I give out comparable encouragement to those around me when they need it? Do I even encourage those that encourage me to ‘keep up the good work’ and adequately show my appreciation? Does a simple thank you and smile really accurately express the amount of appreciation I have for them? Do I assume they can just read my mind and automatically know?

I encourage you to remember that just as much as those ‘colorful little stickers’ at just the right moment make us feel good, other people need the love and encouragement at some point too. When the ‘colorful little sticker’ is missing, it opens the door for negative feelings. Some people are able to use that as motivation to try harder and do better next time. Others associate it with their potential and self-worth. In order to spread the positivity to those we love and care about, make a conscious effort to let them know that you love them, appreciate them, notice them, are proud of them and to keep up the good work!

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Forgiving Others

As said in a previous post, hurt and disappointment inflicted by others is an inevitable experience that we all must face at some point in our lives. We have zero control over the actions of others or the negative feelings their actions can sometimes evoke. We can either drag on these feelings of hurt and disappointment or accept what has happened and begin moving on.

When someone has done you wrong, it’s common for you to take on the role of the victim. But the key is not to exploit this role for attention, sympathy and confirmation, which is very easy to do (and you may not even realize that you are doing it). After getting hurt, you really just want to know that at least someone out there cares and that someone is on your side, right? There are plenty of people that care and that are on your side, but this isn’t really the ideal way to go about soliciting their support. (i.e. Telling anyone who will listen about what so & so did to you)

When you ignore someone, talk badly about them, are rude to them, don’t forgive them, etc…you are clearly indicating that you have not yet gotten past the pain that they caused you. In addition to prolonging the drama, you are either consciously or subconsciously trying to spread your pain to them. These are not good, healthy ways to deal with your emotions and get closure. Often times, this causes you to carry baggage into your future relationships. (i.e. Having trust issues because someone cheated on you)

As far as closure goes, I hear too often of people seeking closure from the person that hurt them. It’s natural to want to know what someone was thinking, why they hurt you, if they ever cared about you. 99% of the time, you are not going to get the answers to those questions because nobody likes to admit when they are wrong or dwell on poor decisions. Often times, there really isn’t a valid explanation to be offered if they have even thought about it. I think that actively seeking closure is most times unrealistic. It can’t be forced.
Additionally, the person that hurt you could potentially identify that your closure is dependent on them and take advantage of that. (i.e. Everytime you try to walk away, they do or say something to pull you back into the same emotional roller-coaster)

Forgiveness is something that you do on your own time and of your own will. It should not be dependent on anyone but you. Sometimes you just have to take people for what they are. Regardless of what they did to you, now you know what they are capable of and not to put yourself in that position again and/or to be more cautious. He told me to make the conscious decision to LET IT GO and no longer let anyone or anything (that most times aren’t even worth your time and energy) steal your joy.

If the person that hurt you has apologized and still wants to pursue a friendship or relationship with you, then this is at your discretion. If you choose to continue to deal with this person, you should be a little cautious but also make sure you have truly forgiven them. You can’t hold the past against them when you insinuate that you have forgiven them and are trying to move on. This is taking a step backwards. If you find that you can’t move on with that person serving as a constant reminder of the hurt and disappointment that you experienced, then perhaps it’s a sign that they are no more forward steps in the relationship. At which point, it would be best to continue pursuing the forward steps to forgiveness and moving on independently.

Lastly, Forgiveness is a huge part of the maturation process. Forgiveness in itself is a process whose length and difficulty vary by situation. Sometimes, we feel as though certain things could just never ever be forgiven. I urge you to remember that you are not perfect and have also inflicted hurt and disappointment to someone else at some point in your life. Hopefully, all encounters with forgiveness (forgiving others, others forgiving us and us forgiving ourselves) are lessons learned about how we allow others to treat us, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves.

Letting Go...

Have you ever wondered why you always end up getting hurt? Have you ever wondered what you have done to deserve the constant lack of respect for you and your feelings? Have you ever wondered why your kind and caring approach to people isn’t always reciprocated?

I have discovered the answer…in most cases, it is because people only treat you the way that you allow them to. We have a lot more control than we choose to realize over the kinds of feelings that would cause one to pose the questions listed above. We are not as helpless and powerless as we think we are. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

The problem is we hold onto who that person was or who we want them to be. We make excuses for their behavior. It takes two people to have a friendship or be in a relationship and one person cannot carry that weight. It’s simply impossible. In doing so, it is inevitable that we experience the hurt, disrespect and lack of reciprocity. Is it really worth it? Life is too short to try to change someone that you know doesn’t want to change. What you can change is them being in your life. Of course, this is much easier said than done. Letting go is one of the hardest things we face in life. However, time is one of the most unforgiving things. Once it’s gone, you can never get it back. So ask yourself, are you investing your time in the actual person or who they used to be or who they have the potential to be?

Always remember, you are wonderful and amazing! Anyone should be happy to share a friendship or relationship with you and if they choose not to, then that is their loss. You deserve nothing less than the best

Valentines Day Poem...

I wrote this shit for my girl a while back...


I'm sure you'll know when im gone.
when i am at first it'll seem wrong

Hamilton girls throw me away quick
from 11 to 16 take your pick (lol)

i have no size
to lose me something else has to rise

to keep me, don't chill with horny guys
if your decent
you'll give that certain dude a try

i am transparent
you can't see me, and
eventually you'll want to get rid of me

what am i?

i am your...